:: My New Sunday Rule

Not exactly magical, but todays Sunday, and all the normal rules are off on Sunday. Truth be known, that wasn't a rule until just now. I make the rules, you know, except when my wife makes the rules. Sometimes she lets me make the rules..

When she lets me make the rules, you end up with a bunch of stuff like this..

"I gaze at the brilliant full moon. The same one, I think to myself, at which Socrates, Aristotle, and Plato gazed. Suddenly, I imagine they appear beside me. I tell Socrates about the national debate over one's right to die and wonder at the constancy of the human condition. I tell Plato that I live in the country that has come the closest to Utopia, and I show him a copy of the Constitution. I tell Aristotle that we have found many more than four basic elements and I show him a periodic table. I get a box of kitchen matches and strike one. They gasp with wonder. We spend the rest of the night lighting farts." Unk.

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
Mariah Carey

Question: "If you could live forever, would you and why?"
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever."
Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss Universe contest

"I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law."
David Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answering accusations that he failed to pay his taxes.

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."
Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for a federal anti-smoking campaign

I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, "I'd like some fries." The girl at the counter said, "Would you like some fries with that?"
Jay Leno

"Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected".
Red Buttons

"I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain."
Carol Leifer

"You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax, tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough".
Pearl Williams

"Home is where the house is." Unk.

"Often, when I am reading a good book, I stop and thank my teacher. That is, I used to, until she got an unlisted number." Unk.

As you make your way through this hectic world of ours, set aside a few minutes each day. At the end of the year, you'll have a couple of days saved up.

Give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept the things I cannot, and a great big bag of money.

The people who think Tiny Tim is strange are the same ones who think it odd that I drive without pants.

"When I die, I want to die like my grandmother who died peacefully in her sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in her car."
Author Unknown.

"It's so long since I've had sex, I've forgotten who ties up whom."
Joan Rivers.

"Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences that
money can buy."
Steve Martin.

"My girlfriend said to me in bed last night, you're a pervert. I said, that's a big word for a girl of fifteen."
Emo Philips.

"There are a number of mechanical devices that increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief amongst these is the Mercedes-Benz SLK 230 convertible."
Unknown.

"You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life."
Emo Philips.

"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house."
Steven Seagal.

I told you...
( Thank You BoreMe, for compiling this list.. http://www.boreme.com )